BECOMING MY MOTHER

Earlier this week I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror putting make-up on getting ready for work. My teen came in to ask me a question. As I'm standing there facing the mirror seeing him in the mirror looking at me I had a flashback or a memory however you call it. I can remember many times as a teen going into the bathroom as my mother was getting ready for work standing behind her looking at her in the mirror as she looked back at me asking her some random question:

Did you wash my shirt?

Can I have money so we can go buy some new shoes?

Can I go to the game tonight?

The questions are irrelevant. Like any other teen I was the center of my own world and every answer she gave me only related to me. As a teen my mother's answer was either followed by thoughts of "she is trying to ruin my life" or "what am I going to wear" or me, me, me. Thinking I am the center of this woman's world - she has no life besides me - of course all I think about is me and of course all she thinks about is me. Right?

Back to the other morning: now I am standing where my mother once did and my teen stands where I once stood. I think he has no idea the reasons behind my answers to his questions. He has no idea I have stood where he now stands, no idea that I once had a life, currently have a life, the trials I have been through, the joy I have been through, what is currently pulling my mind, and none of it is directly related to him or to intentionally ruin his life. He has no idea the pain & joy, the rich & poor, the laughter & tears.

I think back to my mother. How many times I stood looking at her asking for whatever irrelevant thing I wanted in that moment - and not knowing perhaps she didn't wash my shirt because she worked 10 hours, cooked, cleaned, helped with homework, chatted about my problems, and all the gazillion other things going on - like my father, my other siblings, her own mother, and the shirt just slipped her mind. It wasn't directly related to ruining my life - and honestly had nothing to do with me. She had a life.

Perhaps I couldn't have money to buy new shoes, because she had just paid all the bills, and extra expenses had come up, or maybe she helped a sibling with their rent & quite frankly she was trying to budget to make sure to keep food on the table until the next payday.

As a teenager we don't see beyond ourselves - and have no idea the experiences & emotions & motivation behind the answer our parents give us to our teenager question that is all about us.

Until one day we are standing right where our parents stood before and now we are in their position.

Understanding our parents - think Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, but less dramatic. :) 

There is yet another light that lights up - in this circle of life - makes us appreciate our parents, respect our parents, understand our parents, and even want to know more about our parents and their life and their experience.

I love now (now that I listen) hearing my parents go into a story about their life, a time before they had kids, and a time that had nothing to do with any of my siblings or myself, but have created the person that my parents have become.

This person that has been in your life since the day you were born, and sometimes they go into a story and you realize you know so little about them - because as their child your world has been all about you & because they brought you into this world and love you they let you be that way.

Back to my teen looking at me in the mirror: I just smile at him with love & knowing.

"What?" he says.

"Nothing kid. I love you. Your shirt is in the dryer. We will go get you shoes when I get paid, and yes you can go to the game. I'll pick you up at 9:00," I say.

Even through that 'teenager look' I can tell he is satisfied this time & at least for this moment I am not trying to ruin his life.

In this moment becoming (understanding, respecting, appreciating) my mother.

Peace & Love.